June 20, 2005

aural anguish

I'm not a huge contemporary music buff, mainly because I don't listen to Top 40 radio. I can't tell N-Sync from the Backstreet Boys. I couldn't tell Hilary Duff and Kelly Clarkson apart if they were wearing name tags. When a Britney Spears song plays on the radio I'm never sure if it's her, or the radio just needs to be tuned in properly. The top 40 in Australia at the moment includes a song by Jesse McCartney called "She's No You". That kid is so young, the woman he's singing about must be his mother, and what girlfriend could posibly live up to the woman who breastfed you until last month!?

But! The Top 40 radio station is not as low as you can go. If you scratch away the burnt offerings on the bottom of that cauldron of crud, you'll find a whole NEW world of nausea awaiting: The "Easy Listening" station.

From what I can figure out, they take the Top 40 songs from 5 months ago, remove 30 of those songs and replace them with 7 songs from the 80s. After adding a track or two from Melbourne's own Anthony "knee high to a grasshopper" Callea, you're left with the aural equivalent of being slowly drowned in a trough of warm elephant poop.

I work with a woman who has been with the company so long that her first office computer was a pigeon, and she refers to horses as "public transport". Now, the first problem is she likes the drivel that comes out of the tinny little radio on her desk. As she's been a fixture at (company name removed - Ed) for longer than living memory, and the management aren't keen to piss her off, in case she has some high reaching connections that no one knows about. This means the radio stays. The second problem is that Mix 101.1 is the ONLY DAMN STATION THAT IT CAN PICK UP!! There's some kind of weird architectural anomoly that blocks out all frequencies in my building except for 101100kHz! It's like the girders are spaced so precisely that any other frequency is effectively jammed.
This story as yet has no happy ending, so if anyone has ideas on how to fix the above problems, please send your answers on the back of a postcard.

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